The Road To Healing
by Alviarin
Summary: Sequel to "The Road To Death". Sam is alive and doesn't remember Hell. Dean isn't sure if he's dreaming or not, but Castiel is back in his life as well and has a mission for him. SLASH, M/M. Dean/Castiel Please review and let me know what you think! "To Hell and Back" Story Arc Book 2. *FIXED*
1. Dreaming

Dean was done with the hospital by the next day, but was told in no uncertain terms that he had to stay and that it was his own damn fault so he should just shut the hell up, that last part came from his dear Sammy. Needless to say, though, he was not pleased. The only thing that made the next few days after that barely tolerable was Caz's constant presence, and no one seemed to notice that Dean never let go of his hand, or if they did they chose not to say anything, which was good for Dean's sanity since by them saying something he'd have to let go and he really didn't want to lose that contact. He still didn't really believe that all this was real. Sam was alive and Castiel was there. It was the stuff his dreams were made of, minus the hospital, and even if he was dreaming he was content to just let it be. These were the dreams he could handle, the ones where everyone he loved were either dead or dying were not.

One night he awoke from a particularly horrible one covered in a cold sweat, shaking so bad his teeth chattered, and throat raw from holding back his screams. He couldn't stop the tears that began to flow, nor the after images of the nightmare that still lingered, but then Caz was right there, caressing the side of his face, telling him that he was safe and that everything was alright. Dean stared up into those stormy blue-gray eyes believing every word because he knew that if this was a dream and that had been his real life then he wanted this. Wanted Caz here speaking those words, easing his fears. On sheer impulse he reached up to slide his hand onto the back of the Angel's neck and pulled him forward. As he pressed his lips to Caz's the world fell into place. Caz stiffened in surprise then melted into it kissing Dean back with all the love and care he possessed. Dean didn't want this to be a dream, he'd wanted to kiss Castiel for so long, wanted to hold him, to give him everything he had left, which wasn't a lot and he hoped it would be enough. He was a broken man and he knew it.

Losing Sam twice had been too much for him. Sam had always been his link to the world, as messed up as that sounds, but this, kissing Caz, was his first step towards taking what he wanted from the world. He pulled his Angel closer sliding his tongue through parted lips and relished the taste he found there. It was sweetly warm and intoxicatingly addicting. Too soon Caz began pulling away. "Dean." He whispered huskily against the young hunter's lips. It sent a shiver down Dean's spine. He closed his eyes, breathing in Castiel's scent as he released his grip on the Angel's neck. His arm was shaking and he knew the other man could feel it. "You are not strong enough for this yet."

"Bull." Dean grinned weakly knowing Caz was right, but not really wanting the dream to end. He'd been having the hospital dream for a little over a week now and dreaded waking up to wherever he was in the real world. He liked being here with Caz, it made the whole hospital atmosphere bearable.

"Sleep now, I will be watching over you." Caz brushed hair from his face gently. Dean sighed contentedly, relaxing into the pillows. He didn't really want to sleep, but his eyelids were too heavy to keep up anymore. He fell asleep to Caz gently caressing his palm.

* * *

Castiel looked up as Sam came walking in. Dean was still asleep, hopefully having better dreams than the previous night. "How is he?" The younger Winchester asked quietly, looking awkward as he hovered near the door. Ever since his brother had snarled at him, more then once, he'd been trying to keep a safe distance.

"Tired." Castiel replied looking down at the sleeping Winchester's haggard face. "He still believes that all of this is a dream." Sam sighed.

"Dean still won't believe in miracles even after all we've been through."

"He has been through more than you can imagine Sam Winchester." Castiel replied. "He is not the man you once knew. His mind has become fragile from the suppression of all his wants and dreams, from everything he has lost despite his attempts to hold onto those he loves."

"He never says anything." Sam exploded. "I never know what he wants or dreams of doing." Dean jerked, eyes flying open, startling them both. Castiel watched the fever bright green orbs move between him and his brother.

"Should I leave the room?" He rasped with a wry twist to his lips. "Let you boys duke it out or something?" Sam huffed, folding his arms.

"See what I mean Caz?" The Angel cocked his head in confusion. "He'll never admit to how he really feels." Castiel watched the amusement leave Dean's face.

"Still in the room Sammy." He growled. Sam recoiled slightly. "I may not be the sharing and caring type, but-" He cut off with a frown, eyes going distant as if he was remembering something then leaned back in the pillows deciding to remain silent.

"But what Dean?" Sam asked after a few moments.

"Nothing. I'm not going to argue with a figment of my imagination, that shit goes nowhere." Sam threw his hands in the air in exasperation.

"When the hell are you going to get it through your thick head that you aren't dreaming?" Dean's eyes narrowed dangerously causing Castiel to squeeze his hand in warning. Pained green eyes turned to his face.

"This is not a dream Dean." He said calmly. "Your brother is worried about you." He paused. "As am I." The young hunter shifted slightly but remained silent. "Though, I am confident that you will realize this with time." Dean blinked slowly, his brow furrowing in that familiar expression of his that meant he was processing some foreign idea or concept; like when his brother explained the inner workings of a computer to him when he was trying to figure out what was wrong with his laptop.

"If this isn't a dream…then…" His eyes widened as his head whipped towards Sam. "Then…" His breathing stopped as he stared at his brother.

"Dean!" Sam rushed forward shaking him by the shoulders gently. "Breathe, man, breathe." Suddenly Dean grabbed him in a headlock, laughing merrily while his brother struggled. Castiel relaxed letting a soft smile grace his lips. Dean, _his_ Dean, was back.

* * *

Sam was a little put out when Dean didn't let him push the wheelchair to take him to the car, but didn't complain. They were finally taking his brother to Bobby's and it felt good to be getting out of the hospital. He couldn't even imagine how Dean was feeling, although he looked _a lot_ better. Almost like his old self but not quite. He still had that haunted look about his eyes and he had lost a lot of weight. It was his hair, though, that really threw Sam for a whirl. It was almost three inches long. He hadn't seen it that long ever, even when they were kids. Their Dad had always told him to cut it in that gruff commanding tone he had always used with Dean. He looked down at his brother smiling as Dean griped about the nurses not having even been hot and that hospital food sucked and he was ready for real food. Castiel was behind him with his hands on the wheelchair handles, pushing Dean towards freedom. As soon as the chair was out the door Dean's feet were on the ground and he was out of the wheeled contraption. "Now, where's my car?" He asked looking around.

"Sit back down before you hurt yourself and the car is at Bobby's."

"How the hell did it get to Bobby's, I left it in Minnesota."

"I brought it here." Castiel replied folding the wheelchair and giving it to a waiting nurse. "You told me not to forget it when I brought you to Bobby."

"Good man." Dean patted his shoulder then grinned as Bobby pulled up to the curb in front of them. Sam saw his legs wobble a little as he stepped towards the car, but Castiel was there before he could even think about going to his brother's rescue. Dean muttered something unintelligible and actually _allowed_ Caz to help him into the backseat of the car. Sam watched in shock as Dean pulled Caz in after him, which meant Sam would have to sit in the front. He couldn't help but feel like there was something strange going on between his brother and Castiel. The Angel hadn't left Dean's hospital room once as far as Sam could tell, and Dean wanted Caz to push his wheelchair and sit beside him in the car. Jealousy flared in his chest as Sam watched his brother completely relax around the heavenly soldier like he never had before, even around his own brother. He also noticed Castiel's hand on Dean's and frowned. What the _hell_ was going on?

* * *

Dean let Sam put him to bed irritably. He was tired of sleeping, but they were all against him. He closed his eyes until Sam left, but couldn't sleep. Caz wasn't there and he could hear Sam telling the Angel not to disturb him. He opened his eyes and glared at the closed door. What right did Sam have keeping Caz out? It wasn't his decision and Dean opened his mouth to yell at him, but then closed it again as a thought occurred to him. Caz was going to leave again. He knew that. Castiel had a family and duties to go back to, it was impossible for him to stay forever. Dean closed his eyes in pain, feeling the ache in his heart returning full force. He was destined to be alone forever, not that he deserved happiness and without the fever fogging his brain he didn't have the strength to push his pain away, so it washed over him in waves until he couldn't take it anymore. He threw the covers off and sat up, swinging his feet to the floor. He needed to get away, go somewhere he could just end it all. All the pain and anger that filled him and threatened to swallow him whole. Suddenly the door opened causing him to jump. Caz stood there with his hand on the knob and Sam behind him looking royally pissed off. "He needs to rest Castiel." His brother growled, but the Angel was ignoring him. His eyes were on Dean.

"Stop." He said quietly, walking forward. Dean looked away, knowing what he meant. Sam on the other hand was as oblivious as always.

"The hell are you talking about-" His brown eyes fell on Dean and his anger deepened. "Get back in bed Dean." He pushed past Caz and forced Dean to lie down. "You need to rest, then you're going to eat something."

"Yes, your highness." Dean muttered angrily, turning on his side away from them.

"I need to speak with your brother alone, Sam." Caz said quietly.

"It can wait Castiel." Sam replied gruffly. "Right now he needs to sleep." He dragged Caz out by the arm and closed the door. Dean shut his eyes tightly and tried to sleep, but he couldn't. Images flashed against his eyelids forcing him to open them again. He didn't know how much time passed as he laid there, staring at the wall, but it was time enough for daylight to leave the room encasing him in shadow. He heard the door open then close quietly, but didn't turn around. He knew it wasn't Sam or Bobby. Neither could walk without sound. That left only Caz, and Dean couldn't face him right now. Unfortunately Caz had other things on his mind. A strong hand gripped his shoulder gently and forced him to turn. He lifted his eyes to Caz's shadowy form trying to breathe normally. His senses were overwhelmed with the Angel's scent as Caz brushed the hair from his face and leaned in to kiss him tenderly. Dean broke away, breath hitching.

"Don't Caz." He whispered. "Not if you're just going to-" He was cut off by another kiss, one more demanding then the first, and he felt his body respond. He wrapped his arms around Castiel's neck and pulled him closer opening his mouth and deepening the kiss. Caz moaned softly sliding his tongue between Dean's parted lips. Dean sucked on it before opening his mouth wider and adding his own tongue to the mix. Caz moaned again, a little louder this time running his fingers up through Dean's hair, but Dean pushed him away. "Don't do this if you're just planning on leaving again Caz." His voice was hoarse and full of pain. He felt the Angel stiffen and pull away.

"Dean, I-"

"Just go, Caz." Dean closed his eyes and turned his face away. He had never been good at goodbyes and he didn't want to watch him leave. Gentle fingers brushed his cheek.

"I am sorry Dean." Sorrow and regret filled Castiel's voice.

"S'okay Caz." He lied. "You have to put heaven back together right?"

"Yes."

"Well that's a hell of a lot more important than me." He looked up, glad that it was dark. "So go. I'll be fine. I always am."

"Dean."

"Go. They need you." Dean rolled onto his side trying not to cry. He didn't want Caz to go, but he knew the Angel couldn't stay; he'd already been there too long. Caz brushed his cheek with a kiss then was gone with a gentle flutter of wings, and Dean could hold the tide back no longer. He let the tears fall and sobbed quietly until he fell asleep.


	2. Bobby's

Sam looked up in surprise as Dean entered Bobby's kitchen. He thought for sure he'd sleep until noon or later like he had at the hospital. It was seven in the morning. "So, Sammy, where's that food you were talking about?" His brother asked with a crooked grin. Sam wanted to tell him to get back into bed, Dean looked like Death; not that Sam knew what Death looked like since he'd never met the legendary horseman, but he probably had the same hollow look about him. He quickly stood and pulled a chair out from the table for Dean to sit in. His brother rolled his eyes, but sat, more like fell, into the proffered chair. Sam turned to the fridge, but Bobby was already there pulling eggs and bacon and a myriad of other stuff out and setting it on the counter. He frowned wondering how Bobby could still move that fast then shrugged it off and sat down at the table across from his brother, who was staring at the table top. He looked up and gave Sam a half grin before settling back in his chair. Sam recognized the expression and frowned. Dean was putting up a front of being a-okay and it pissed Sam off. What was it with Dean, why couldn't he just be happy? Happy that Sam was alive and the apocalypse was over. Why couldn't he have gone and settled down with Lisa and Ben? He would have been able to move on and be happy. Bobby had forbid Sam from asking Dean any of these questions until he was feeling better, but Sam had never been good at following orders.

"Stop it Dean." He said before he could stop himself. His brother had the nerve to look surprised.

"Stop what?" Dean's brow furrowed.

"That thing you do where you push everyone away."

"Sam." Bobby said warningly.

"Fuck off Sam." Dean's eyes narrowed dangerously, but Sam didn't care.

"No, Dean. Talk to me."

"About what Sam?"

"How about why you didn't keep your promise." Sam folded his arms returning his brother's glare.

"I did."

"No, Dean, you didn't. You almost killed yourself out there."

"Look Sam." Dean growled getting shakily to his feet. "You asked me not to try and save you and despite every part of me that wanted to I didn't, okay, but you can't expect me to just move on and be happy about it and to tell you the truth I was trying, but-" He cut off, sitting back down and closing his eyes. His breath was coming in short gasps and Sam immediately regretted bringing it up. Bobby whacked him on the back of his head before setting a plate of food in front of Dean.

"We can discuss this later." He snapped. "Try and eat Dean." He grabbed Sam by the arm and dragged him into the living room and shut the doors, but not before Sam saw his brother's shoulders slump in defeat. "What the hell has gotten into you Sam?" Bobby glared up at him.

"He's pushing me away Bobby, I can feel it."

"The man has been grieving in the worst way ever since you were sucked into hell. You smelled the booze on him when that damn Angel brought him here. I'm sure he's been doing anything and everything to keep himself from thinking about where you'd gone. Think about it Sam, he was there for four months, he knew what was happening to you. He's lived it for Christ's sake." Sam's eyes widened. "I know you can't remember what happened to you down there, but I know he's been imagining the worst, just like I have. Now give the man some space. He's still recuperating and he doesn't need you in his-" Bobby stopped at the sound of an engine roaring to life. Sam beat him to the porch in time to see the Impala, with Dean behind the wheel, speed off down the driveway in a cloud of dust.

"I thought you took the keys." Sam looked down at Bobby who reached into his pocket and pulled out the familiar set.

* * *

Dean shook his head as he sped down the road. Why they thought taking his keys would keep him from leaving was beyond him. Sam should at least have remembered the spare set of Dad's that he kept under the seat. His cell phone began to buzz in the glove box. He turned the volume up on the stereo. Sam didn't remember Hell? Could he be that lucky? Well he _had_ been scooped out by God and he'd been sealed away from the rest of the Demons, so maybe it _was_ possible. He grinned rolling down the window and inhaled the fresh air blowing in. He felt better than he had in months and not just because he wasn't sick, well almost not sick. Sammy was alive and healthy. God or whoever had brought him back whole not empty, not like Dean. He whooped increasing his speed, letting the Impala's engine rev and purr. The sound had always been a comfort to him, and this time was no different. He couldn't wait to get Sam in the passenger seat and drag him all over the country again hunting things. He felt a little bipolar and laughed pulling a U-turn. He could do this without Caz. He had Sam, and that had always been all that he needed. It wasn't like Caz could be with him anyway, he had the whole cosmic order of things to worry about, Dean was miniscule compared to that. As he pulled back into Bobby's drive he could see Sam on the porch, pacing back and forth with his phone to his ear. He chuckled softly putting the car in park and turned off the engine. "What the hell Dean?" Sam snapped coming off the porch as he climbed out.

"My baby was Angel mojoed here, I had to make sure she was alright." Dean grinned watching his brother go from upset to pissed off, but before he could say another word Dean pulled him into a hug. Sam's long arms wrapped around him and pulled him tight. "Sorry Sam." Dean whispered. Sam shook his head.

"No Dean, I'm the one who's sorry, I wasn't thinking." Dean just held him tighter and let him cry on his shoulder. He would never lose Sam again.

* * *

Sam had always been amazed by his brother's ability to bounce back, but this was ridiculous. In only a week after bringing Dean home, after almost dying a couple weeks before that, his brother looked in perfect health. He was still a bit scrawny, but he'd gain what weight he'd lost back in no time, especially with the diet he'd always had. Sam always knew something was wrong when Dean didn't want food. Every once in a while Sam caught him staring off into space with that haunted look in his eyes, but it always vanished the second Dean would notice him watching. His brother was still hiding behind that cocky attitude and quick smile, but he supposed he could live with that because that was just Dean. He wasn't a 'sharing and caring' guy like he'd said in the hospital. Dean was cocky. Dean was sure of himself. Dean was…antsy. Sam suppressed a grin as he watched his brother pace, sit down for two seconds then get up and start pacing again. He looked like a tiger in a cage, and Sam could understand where it was coming from.

Dean wasn't the stay in one place for a long time kind of guy, hell he'd been on the road pretty much constantly since he was four. Three weeks without driving more than five miles was getting to him. Sam on the other hand would be happy if they never got back on the road. They'd saved the world, what more could they do? Obviously there was still evil in the world, but he didn't feel like it was their problem anymore, but then again he wasn't a hunter to the bone the way Dean was. Sam blamed it on their father, just like he blamed all of Dean's other issues on the man. Looking back he could see how John Winchester had shaped the man Dean was today. He forced Dean to sacrifice anything and everything he'd ever wanted for himself to keep his little brother fed, clothed and safe. John Winchester had barely ever been there for either of them growing up, and when he was there it was drill after drill after drill. Order after order and Dean had obeyed. It had always infuriated Sam that Dean never argued with their father, never questioned his authority, was always Daddy's perfect little soldier. He had always thought John had loved Dean more, but he now realized that that wasn't the truth.

No father that loved their child would turn them into the kind of warrior Dean was. Sure the man was amazing to watch in action, but he wasn't whole, and Sam couldn't quite put a finger on what his brother was missing. He was funny, attractive, driven, passionate, intelligent, stubborn as hell, caring even though he never- Sam dropped his book as it finally occurred to him what his brother was missing. Well maybe not missing, just hiding. He looked up at Dean, who stared back at him looking confused. He'd always known his brother hid his emotions, but it wasn't only that. He made Sam talk about what was bothering him, but he never wanted to share, didn't want Sam to worry about him, he never wanted anyone to know the real Dean. Sam stared at his brother as it slowly dawned on him. He really didn't know Dean at all did he? All he knew were the things John Winchester had ingrained in him. He couldn't look at Dean and not see it. The clothes he wore, Dad's leather jacket, the Impala that had been Dad's, the music they had grown up listening to while Dad drove. Where was Dean? What did he want? What were his dreams; his desires? Who was Dean?

Dean shifted under his gaze uncomfortably. Bobby came in surprising both of them. Dean recovered first and began pacing again. Bobby watched him for a moment before shaking his head with a sigh. "Sit down before you pace a hole in my floor." Sam frowned as Dean automatically sat, but Bobby didn't seem to notice as he took a seat at his desk. Dean's leg started bouncing up and down as he tried to contain the energy bursting from him. Sam raised his book, but kept watching his brother over the edge. How long would it take for him to get up and resume pacing? The answer: five seconds. Sam snorted as his brother stood. Before he could pace more than two times across the room Bobby set down the book he was looking through and glared at Dean. "Why don't you go fix a car or something Dean?"

"Ok." With that one word his brother was out the door.

"Hey Bobby?" Sam set his book down and walked over to sit on the couch near the desk.

"Yeah?"

"Have you noticed anything off about Dean?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, he seems the same as always, but I can't help but get the feeling like there's something wrong with him."

"He's been through a lot Sam."

"I know, but it's not just now, this is coming from before the apocalypse, from before everything. He got worse during, and now…I don't know. Something's just off."

"You know him better than I do." Bobby shrugged.

"Now see, that's the thing. I don't think I really know Dean at all. I mean can you tell me anything that he really wants, besides me not dead, because I couldn't tell you a single thing. Everything he's ever done is what Dad wanted and then after he died he did what he thought Dad would want him to do."

"Where's this going Sam?" Bobby frowned.

"I don't know Bobby, I just can't help but feel like there's something missing." Bobby's frown deepened as he sat back. "I know what he likes, but what freaks me out a little is that its all stuff my dad liked. Like his leather jacket, the bad diner food, skeevy motels, and the music he listens to, not to mention the impala. That stuff is all from Dad."

"He's always looked up to John, Sam, you know that."

* * *

Dean stood frozen in the hall, one foot on the bottom step of the staircase as he listened. "I know that Bobby, I just don't get it." Sam replied. "Sure I loved Dad and everything, but he and I argued constantly, but Dean never did once, not until we were going after Azazel and he told Dad that we were better fighting together than Dad going after it by himself. That's the first time I'd ever heard him talk back to him, and I don't get it. What made him change then? What's driving him now? That's what I'm getting at I guess. What does Dean want, who is he really behind that cock-cure attitude of his?"

"I don't know." Bobby replied, sounding worried. Dean stepped back, then spun and fled the house, letting the door slam behind him and took off through the large stacks of old, rusted cars. He heard Sam and Bobby yelling after him, but he didn't look back. His mind flashed back to when they were after the dream walker and what the demon wearing his face had said. Everything Sam had said matched almost word for word. Who was he? What _did _he want? Everything he had he got from his father…everything, even Sam. He choked back a sob as he hit the fence at the back of the salvage yard. _He_ knew what he wanted, what he dreamed of having, but the only problem was it was something he could never have. Sam would never understand even if Dean told him. Sam's voice was getting closer, but Dean couldn't face him, not yet. He quickly climbed over the fence and sprinted into the forest beyond it. He ran until his lungs burned then ran some more until he collapsed under a large oak tree gasping for air. Eventually he sat up and leaned against the rough bark.

There was something wrong with him, and maybe it had everything to do with how he was raised, but he doubted it. Sure his jacket and car had once belonged to his father, but John Winchester hadn't loved them as much as Dean did. The music he loved because it was their's. Him and his father's. He could remember spending hours with his dad just working on the Impala and listening to Metallica, Led Zeppelin, Foreigner, Warrant, Motorhead, and all the others. It was all stuff his father had passed down to him and that made him love it all the more. He had always idolized his father and never wanted to disappoint him, especially after the Strega when he had almost gotten Sam killed. Since then he let his brother die twice and he knew his father was looking down on him in anger. Somehow he had to make it up to the man. He didn't know how, but he'd do it…or die trying.

He stood, shaking his head. This was not who Dean Winchester was. He didn't run from his brother or sit around and soul search. He hunted, and he was pretty damn good at it. That was his life, that was what he wanted. He didn't care that he was a less than perfect version of his father because he knew his father wasn't perfect either. No one was, except maybe Caz. He chuckled already feeling his heart calming, all he needed was to get back on the road…and maybe a drink, a really_ strong_ drink.


	3. Hunting

Sam was beside himself with worry. It had been hours since his brother had took off and he didn't know if it was a good thing that he was on foot or not. He couldn't get very far, sure, but he also had no weapons or protection from the elements, plus he'd heard from Bobby that the woods around here weren't exactly hiker friendly. He prayed that his brother had stayed out of the woods and was just doing that getting-some-air thing he always did when he was pissed off at Sam for something he'd said. The 27 year old hunter was kicking himself for not making sure Dean had left the house before talking to Bobby, and Bobby was kicking _himself_ for not doing the same. At least that's the reasoning Sam came up with when the scotch came out. He glanced over at Bobby, who sat at the other chair on the porch staring out at the large heaps of cars in front of them. He wanted to say something, anything to break the silence that hung heavily over them, but just looked back out over the junk piles that were spread out as far as his eyes could see.

Dean always swore he could see the fence at the back and into the woods beyond, but Sam had never believed him. That would make his eyes better than their father's and his, which seemed impossible because Dean was always getting into trouble because he didn't 'see' something coming. Sam sighed draining his glass and pouring another. Finally, just as the sun painted the sky with the last of its rays, Dean came sauntering out of the salvage yard. Sam wanted to strangle the grin off of his face as Dean's eyes fell on the nearly empty bottle of whiskey sitting on the small table between Sam and Bobby. Then he noticed how dirty his brother was and the scratches across his cheek. He shot out of his chair and was down the porch steps. Dean laughed as Sam slapped his raised hands out of the way to inspect the cuts on his brother's face. They were fairly deep, but not life threatening. "What the hell Dean?" He snapped.

"Hey, Bobby, did you know that you have a bear problem out there?"

"Don't tell me you got attacked by a bear." Sam groaned before dragging his brother into the house and forcing his shirt and jacket off.

"Ok." His brother snickered. "Really, though, Bobby-"

"Of course I know, ya dumbass." Bobby growled following them into the kitchen. "That's why I've always told you boys to stay in the yard." Sam shoved Dean into a chair and left to get the first aid kit. When he came back he set it on the table and began inspecting his still grinning brother for other injuries. Luckily there weren't any except for the ones he'd come with.

"How the hell did you get away from a bear without a gun?" Sam asked dabbing at the cuts with gauze soaked in peroxide.

"Punched it in the nose." Dean's grin widened at the twin looks of shock he received. "Their noses are very sensitive you know…like a shark's." He laughed loudly and for once it didn't seem forced. Sam could see the way Dean's eyes were lit up from the thrill of danger. He had always got off on it and Sam couldn't understand why. He hated fighting and being in danger all the time, but Dean seemed to live for it. It dawned on Sam that that was why his brother had been so antsy lately. He was itching to get back on the road and keep hunting. Sam taped up and bandaged the cuts on Dean's cheek then began cleaning up the mess he'd made of the kitchen table.

"You punched a _bear_ in the _nose_?" Bobby was staring at Dean in disbelief before he erupted into laughter. Sam didn't find it funny.

"You could have been killed Dean." He snapped slamming the lid of the kit closed and stomped back to the hall closet where it was kept. He heard his brother sigh in irritation.

"It wasn't like I went out there to get attacked by a bear Sam."

"Why did you go out there at all Dean?" Sam snapped coming back into the kitchen. He was surprised and a little taken aback when his brother smiled. He was expecting Dean to get angry and yell at him like he always did.

"I think you know Sammy, but I'm feeling way too good right now so I'll let it slide this time." He winked at Bobby, who just shook his head.

"Ok, who are you and what have you done with my brother?" Sam frowned staring at the strange man sitting at the table wearing his brother's face. Dean snorted.

"What, you want me to yell at you?"

"No, but you not yelling is just weird." Sam shifted uncomfortably as Dean's eyes met his. He'd always had a hard time looking Dean in the eye and this time was no different. His brother just had this weird ability that made it seem like he was looking into your soul and reading what was really on your mind. Sam could never hide anything from Dean. He'd begun to wonder if his brother was psychic as well, but the thought creeped him out so he never dwelled on it for very long. "I'm pretty sure what I said hurt your feelings." He muttered tearing his gaze away from the pain he could suddenly see in Dean's eyes.

"To tell you the truth, it's nothing I haven't heard before Sammy." Slowly Sam raised his gaze a frown forming on his face. Dean looked back at him calmly, but Sam could still see the pain tightening the corners of his eyes. "And I honestly don't want to talk about it because I need a shower." He smiled as he stood, but it wasn't a real one; Sam knew that much about his brother.

* * *

Dean let the hot water pound his back, he'd already gotten clean and now refused to leave the relative sanctuary of the shower. His thoughts returned to the bear. It had caught him by surprise as he'd been making his way back to Bobby's. Luckily it hadn't hit him full force in the face, otherwise he'd have been knocked out cold, and he actually hadn't known what the hell was attacking him when he'd let his fist fly. He flexed the fingers of his right hand smiling. They were still a bit sore, but he'd never forget the image of the bear after that. It had actually put a paw to it's nose then turned around and ran off crying. He chuckled shaking his head and climbing out of the shower. If only he'd had a video camera, it would have won grand prize at America's Funniest Home Videos, or at least gotten millions of Youtube hits. He grinned to himself as he dried off and pulled on his pajamas.

Sam would have laughed if he'd been there he was just upset because Dean had overheard his conversation with Bobby and felt bad about what he'd said. Dean wasn't sure how he felt about hearing all that from his brother when demons had taunted him with the same kind of stuff, but he loved his brother and understood that Sam was just worried about him. Hell Dean was worried about Dean too. He wasn't at the top of his game and he knew it, just like he knew that if he didn't get back on the road soon he was going to kill himself from boredom or just to shut his constantly going brain. Downstairs he could hear voices so he just went to his room and crawled into bed. Tomorrow he'd start looking for a job, with or without Sam's help or support. He was asleep as soon as he closed his eyes and in an empty park, sitting on a bench. He could feel Castiel's presence on the bench to his right. He turned slowly trying to keep himself from just tackling the Angel to the ground and having his way with him.

"You are looking well, Dean Winchester." Dean couldn't help but grin.

"I punched a bear today." He laughed at the confusion that flickered across his Angel's face. "Never mind. I'm guessing this isn't a social call so what's up?"

"There is a Demon walking the earth who is still gathering followers. He plans to recreate the Croatoan virus and use it to wipe out humanity."

"And you want me to kill the bastard?" Dean grinned.

"It would be appreciated." Castiel nodded.

"What do I get in return?" Dean smirked watching Caz's face then stood and slowly walked over to him. He watched the Angel's eyes roam over his body before sitting so that he was straddling Caz's lap. "I have to tell you that I'm pretty demanding and I'm going to need some good incentive if you want me to convince Sam and Bobby to let me out of the house, let alone on a hunt."

"What is it that you wa-" Dean cut Castiel off with a kiss running his hands up through his hair and pulling his head back. He felt Caz's hands slide up his thighs to slip under his shirt at the small of his back. He shifted his hips, eliciting a moan from the Angel, and quickly slid his tongue between Castiel's lips. He delved deep into that sweet open and wanting mouth as he ground his groin into Castiel's. He wished this wasn't a dream, but at that moment he'd take what he could get, and Castiel was definitely enjoying this as well. He could feel the hardness in the other man's jeans. After another minute of kissing the Angel senseless he pulled away panting heavily.

"I want you Caz." He whispered kissing and nibbling on his ear lobe. "Not in a dream. I want you in bed fucking me until I can't think." Castiel groaned pulling Dean into another kiss, more rough and needing than the first. Suddenly he found himself on his back in the grass with Castiel on top of him.

"We have a deal." Dean inhaled sharply as the Angel growled roughly in his ear and he grabbed the collar of Castiel's trench coat and pulled him into a kiss before rolling on top of him. He wanted Caz now, but if he knew the sneaky little Angel like he thought he did he'd be waking up soon.

"Damn it." He swore sitting up in bed and looking around. "Bastard Angel." He threw the covers off and checked the time. Almost morning so Sam would be up soon enough. He walked downstairs after taking a _really_ cold shower to get rid of his hard on left over from Caz's visit. He sat down at his laptop and pulled up a weather website then spent the next two hours looking for demonic omens that would point him in the right direction. Sam came down the stairs around 7:30, followed closely by Bobby. He barely glanced up, he was onto something. All over western Washington there were major electrical storms and reports of cattle deaths on different farms between Seattle and Bellingham. It was a large area to cover, but he had the incentive to get it done. He closed the laptop and shoved it back into its bag. Sam was staring at him oddly.

"Are you doing what I think you're doing?" He asked with a frown.

"Are you thinking that I look like I'm packing my shit to go hunting?" Dean replied grinning crookedly.

"Dean."

"Sam."

"You aren't healed yet." Sam folded his arms.

"Yeah, well, I've looked worse going into hunts before and this one is important."

"How so?" Sam raised an eyebrow, putting on his best 'bitch' face.

"I saw Caz in a dream last night." Sam's frown deepened. "He said there's a demon on the loose trying to revive the Croatoan virus."

"And he knows this how?"

"Dude, he's an Angel, they know shit." Dean shook his head with a half laugh.

"I still think we should wait until-"

"Sam, I get it. You're worried about me, but if I don't get back on the road soon I'm gonna go nuts."

"Bobby." Sam disappeared into the kitchen and Dean fought down his rising temper. What the hell was going through his brother's head that he didn't want to go kick some Demon ass? Because this wasn't about Dean's health. His fever and pneumonia were gone and he'd gained some of his weight back. All that was left was some almost healed wounds. Besides he had always been a quick healer and Sam knew it. That's when it hit him. Sam didn't want him to go because _he_ didn't want to go. It was obvious that Sam was done hunting by the way he lounged about the house and talked about getting a job in town when he thought Dean wasn't listening. Dean walked upstairs and got his clothes together. Sam was still talking to Bobby when he walked into the kitchen. Sam fell silent and glared at him.

"If you don't want to go Sam, then don't." Dean looked him straight in the eye. "But you can't force me to stay here."

"What's wrong with staying here, Bobby already said we could for as long as we wanted."

"I know that, and I really do appreciate it Bobby I just-"

"Go." Bobby smiled tossing him his keys. "This time you have to keep in touch though."

"Will do Bobby." Dean grinned.

"What the hell Bobby-"

"Sam, you know as well as I that your brother is as stubborn as your father." Bobby chuckled. "A bit smarter , but still just as thick headed." He gave Dean a hug. "Call if you need back up." Dean nodded then looked to Sam.

"Stay with Bobby Sam." He smiled. "You may not know what I want, but I do, and I'm going to get it." With that he turned and walked out the door. He felt bad leaving Sam behind as he slid into the Impala, but he knew Sam didn't want this life the way he did. It was all Dean had ever known and now he knew he'd be doing it until he died. He was a warrior to the core and wanted to go down fighting. Sam wanted to go back to college and settle down and now he had that chance. Their destiny had been fulfilled, but unlike Sam, Dean knew he could never settle down. He had no desire to anymore and maybe that was because he'd repressed it into oblivion, but it didn't change the fact that he wanted to keep on fighting. He grinned at Sam, who stood awkwardly on the porch, before starting the engine and speeding off down the driveway.


	4. Love

Sam waited next to his phone for Dean to call every night when he'd stop at a motel, and every night his brother sounded better. Almost like he was right where he was supposed to be. It was weird, but then so was Sam reapplying at Stanford. He hadn't told Dean yet and he was kind of afraid of what his reaction might be and Bobby told him that if he didn't tell his brother tonight then he was going to do it for him. Sam snatched up the phone as it began to ring. "Dean?"

"Who else would be calling at almost one in the morning." His brother laughed.

"Good point." Sam grinned, relaxing a bit. Dean sounded to be in a good mood. "So how's the drive?"

"Awesome. I've been pulled over twice today. Apparently California cops have so much time on their hands _not_ fighting crime to actually patrol the empty highways." Dean snickered.

"You haven't gotten any tickets have you?" Sam frowned.

"Of course not, I just flash them a smile and feed them some sob story about needing to get to a wedding on time or my fiancée'll kill me." Sam laughed. Yeah, that sounded like his brother. "It only works on the married cops though so you be careful using that trick Sam."

"I don't speed Dean." Sam replied evenly smiling as his brother laughed.

"Good point."

"Dean?"

"Yeah."

"I'm going back to Stanford." Sam inhaled sharply as silence filled the other end of the line. "They've already accepted my application and are going to reinstate my full ride scholarship." Still nothing. "Dean?" He waited to hear the click that told him Dean was pissed, but it never came.

"Is that what you want then?" Dean asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah."

"Then good. Listen I'll call you tomorrow I'm beat." Sam winced as he heard the click and looked up at Bobby.

"So, what'd he say?" The old hunter asked quietly. Sam tossed his phone on the kitchen table and groaned, running his hands through his hair before repeating the conversation back word for word. "Did he sound mad?"

"No, but you can never tell with him." Sam swore standing up. "I'm going after him." Bobby laughed and sat back in his chair.

"Good luck finding him, it's hard enough when he's _not_ hiding, but if the boy is mad, then you're going to need all the help you can get."

* * *

Dean set his phone down and stared at it for a long time before getting up and packing everything back into the Impala. He wasn't going to be able to sleep after that bit of news. He didn't really know how to feel about it. On one hand he was really happy for Sam. It was his chance at an almost normal life, but on the other hand he couldn't help but feel betrayed. He wanted Sam to ride shotgun as they traveled the country hunting all the bad bitches that terrorized small towns just like they had been for the past five years and most of their childhood. Despite how he felt, though, he knew it was what Sam wanted and there was no reason other than Dean's selfishness that would keep him from it. As he sped down unlit highways in the dead of he made a resolution to be happy for Sam. It wasn't much different from the one he'd made almost eight years ago when he dropped Sam off at Stanford the first time, and maybe this time would be different. They weren't the same people they had been back then. They were closer and he knew that even if he didn't see Sam on a regular basis he would still be able to talk to him. Just knowing he was alive and safe was a great ease on Dean's mind, because he knew that Sam knew how to handle himself. Especially now after having saved the world. His brother could handle anything life threw at him, he'd always been stronger emotionally and Dean knew it. Dean Winchester wasn't a healthy thinker and it had always been a source of great amusement that the Angels had chosen him, one of the most faithless, angry, damaged people in the world, to be their champion instead of Sam, who actually had, and still did for some weird reason, believed in and prayed to God. Maybe it was because said God had scooped him from the pit with no memory of it. It seemed a little unfair to Dean that Sam got to forget and he didn't, but he also didn't want Sam to remember Hell; he just didn't want to be able to remember either. He sighed turning his music up to drown his thoughts and soon he was singing along. Suddenly there was a figure standing in the road and he had to slam on his brakes to keep from hitting it. He got out of the car shakily and approached the all too familiar Angel standing inches from his front bumper. "That is an excellent way to get hit Caz." Dean folded his arms. "You're lucky I have good reflexes." Dean smirked then found himself pinned to the side of the Impala with Castiel's mouth on his, which answered the age old question of whether Angels got horny too. He laughed deep in his throat putting his arms around Caz's neck and opening his mouth. Caz groaned sliding his tongue in and Dean felt cool hands slide up under his shirt to caress his abs. He moved into the touch sliding his tongue past Caz's. When they finally broke apart, both panting for air, Caz gripped the waistband of Dean's jeans and leaned in so that his mouth was on the hunter's ear.

"I have been waiting for you Dean Winchester." He whispered, sending shivers of pleasure down Dean's spine.

"Not too long I hope." Dean murmured lifting his chin as Caz began kissing down his neck.

"Long enough." Caz replied quietly. Dean inhaled sharply as one of Castiel's hands slid into his jeans then groaned as his erection was massaged gently. His fingers curled in Caz's hair and he brought the Angel's lips up to his and kissed him passionately, sucking his tongue into his mouth and biting it gently. Caz moaned moving his hand faster and rubbing the tip of Dean's cock with his thumb as he pulled on it. Dean arched into his hand pulling away from the kiss and throwing his head back with a soft cry. Caz immediately latched onto his neck licking and biting the skin there. Dean moaned clutching at his hair and moved his hips into Caz's hand breathing heavily. Everything the Angel did felt like heaven on Dean's body and it wasn't long before he was coming explosively all over Caz's hand. He collapsed against the car as the hand left his jeans then grabbed Castiel by the shoulders and spun him so that it was his back against the car instead, his hands fumbling to get the Angel's pants open. He dropped to his knees and scooped Castiel's throbbing erection into his mouth. Caz gasped grabbing at his hair as Dean sucked hard opening his throat to practically swallow the tip. He hummed softly vibrating the entire length as he sucked and ran his tongue up and down. Castiel groaned his fingers tightening on Dean's hair as he thrust in. Dean pinned his hips and grazed the sensitive skin with his teeth. The Angel cried out arching once as he came, his seed spilled down Dean's throat and he swallowed it all before pulling off. Caz dragged him up to capture his lips in a ferocious kiss as Dean fixed his pants. When they pulled apart finally they were both gasping for air but satiated for the moment. They stared into each other's eyes before Dean kissed Castiel sweetly, enjoying the taste of him.

"I can't wait for the real thing." Dean whispered pulling away. "I have to destroy that Demon fast now." Castiel nodded smiling softly.

"I am surprised to find you alone Dean."

"Sam didn't want to tag along." The hunter shrugged stepping back. "He's going to go back to Stanford."

"How do you propose to get past the Demon's guards?"

"I've got the colt." Dean grinned. "Besides it can't be harder then killing the devil right?" Castiel nodded but frowned. "Come on Caz, I've been hunting my entire life, I can handle this."

"Never the less, it would be wise if I came with you."

"I won't say no." Dean grinned kissing him again. "But I'm driving."

* * *

Bobby had been right when he said finding Dean would be hard. Sam was days behind him still and he had _flown_ to California. He should have just flown to Washington where he knew Dean was going to be. The motel he had just left said Dean had stayed there three days ago with a strange man in a trench coat, who Sam knew had to be Castiel. What the hell was Dean doing with an Angel? Sure they had been getting close, a little to close for Sam's comfort, but Castiel was supposed to be helping reorganize Heaven, not helping Dean go after Demons. He gritted his teeth and increased his speed. If he took the interstate then he should be able to gain some ground since he knew Dean was taking all the back roads and highways. Dean swore that it was faster, but Sam knew it was just because there was less cops and Dean hated getting pulled over. A few days later after once again underestimating where his brother would stay, and showing Dean's picture to five different motel clerks He found out that Dean and Caz had left Portland, Oregon only hours ago. With that in mind he sped onto I-5 north and kept his speedometer at almost ten miles over the speed limit. As night fell he reached the I-90 Exit and took it to a small town called Cedar Falls. He and Dean had stayed there one night the last time they'd been in Washington on their way up to Concrete to protect a woman's shower room from what had been described as a malevolent spirit.

He was at his wits end until he saw the familiar black impala pull into a motel parking lot and Dean climbed out, laughing about something. His lip curled seeing Castiel step out of the passenger seat then his light turned green. Instead of going straight to the motel he pulled into the gas station across the street and parked where he could watch his brother when he came out of the lobby. Castiel stood next to the Impala. He watched in shock as his brother came out, grabbed Castiel by the tie and kissed him. What the hell? His eyes widened watching Dean pull away and pop his trunk with Castiel's arm around his waist. What the hell? Sam realized he hadn't been breathing and gasped for air still watching his brother's weird behavior. Did Dean even like men? Was this why he didn't go settle down with Lisa, and why he was such a mess when they finally found him? He watched them disappear into a room and seriously reconsidered walking over there, so he drove instead.

* * *

Dean had Castiel pinned to the bed when he heard a knock at the door. "Move and you're dead Caz." Dean grinned kissing him hard before standing and going to the door. He opened it and froze in shock as his eyes were met by the sight of his brother, who was supposed to be at Stanford. "Uh." He was further surprised when Sam shoved him inside and closed the door behind him. His brother's eyes were on Castiel, who was now standing next to the bed instead of laying in the prone position Dean had left him.

"What the hell is going on?" Sam hissed turning to him.

"That depends on what you're referring to." Dean grinned. His brother pointed at Castiel.

"You and him…kissing."

"Oh." Dean fought the blush that was rising to his cheeks. "Uh, well Sammy, I-wait a sec." He frowned. "Have you been following me?"

"Well you won't answer my calls, and I thought you were pissed about me going back to Stanford-"

"So you followed me?" Dean shook his head. "That's why Bobby was being so cagey about where you were. I thought it was because you didn't want to talk to me, but you could have left a message on my phone you know."

"That still doesn't explain to me what the hell you're doing with_ him_." Sam pointed at Castiel who looked very uncomfortable.

"Hey Caz, I've got this so you can take off for a bit if you want."

"You are sure?" Castiel frowned. Dean nodded and with a flutter of wings Caz disappeared.

"What do you want me to say Sam?"

"The truth. Why is he with you and why the hell were you kissing him?"

"Well, Sam, when two people are attracted to each other-"

"Cut the bullshit Dean." Sam snapped. "He's an Angel."

"You were with a Demon." Dean shot back, anger burning in his chest. "What really has that stick up your ass is that Caz is a guy isn't it?" Sam took a step back, eyes wide. "Did you stop to think that I might like him, or that he makes me happy, huh Sam?"

"But it's not right." Sam shook his head.

"Why? Because it ruins my image?" Dean laughed. "You never saw your big brother as a queer?"

"Dean-"

"That's it isn't it? It doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he's an Angel. Well get used to the idea Sammy, because Caz isn't going anywhere for a while."

"But all those girls."

"I ride both sides of the fence Sam." Dean laughed. "Besides if you think about it its not all that farfetched. He pulled me out of hell and fell from grace to help us avert the apocalypse. He brought Bobby back from the dead and there's so many other things he's done that you'll never know about, and he's saved both our butts more times than I can count, so I don't see the problem. Neither does Bobby by the way." Sam's head came up.

"Bobby knows?"

"He figured it out while I was in the hospital. I heard him talking to Caz about it when they thought I was asleep." Dean shrugged sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Sam asked pouting slightly.

"Of course I was Sam." Dean's brow furrowed as he looked up at his brother. "I may not tell you everything, but me and Caz is not something I'd hide." Sam half collapsed into a chair. "Not from you. Maybe Dad if he was still alive." He smiled softly seeing Sam finally relax and laugh a little.

"I want you to be happy Dean." Sam smiled. "I'm just surprised." He chuckled. "_Really_ surprised."

"Well you weren't supposed to find out _this_ way." Dean laughed. "I was going to tell you when we came back from kicking some Demon ass."

"Caz is helping you?"

"Yeah, apparently he doesn't think I can handle it alone. I say he's wrong, but there are definite perks with him tagging along."

"I don't want to know." Sam laughed holding up his hands as Dean raised his eyebrows suggestively. Dean snorted laying back on the bed. "Does he really make you happy Dean?" Sam asked after a while. Dean sat up slowly.

"Yeah, he does Sam." He replied quietly. He wasn't sure if his brother understood why, but he knew that because of Sam's relationship with Jessica that he could understand the feelings Dean had for Caz. He knew Sam and Jess had really been in love, and what he had with Caz might not be as deep, but he could see the potential for something far greater than anything he'd ever had before. He had never been with anyone as long as he had with Caz already and they hadn't even fucked yet. What they had went deeper than sex. Caz listened when he talked without judging.

"Well if he makes you happy then there's not much I can say except that if he hurts you I'm going to find a way to kill him." Dean looked at Sam's very serious expression and burst out laughing. Kill an Angel. He fell back on the bed laughing so hard his ribs started to ache. When he finally got himself under control Castiel had come back and was staring at him with the cutest look of confusion Dean had ever seen and he desperately wanted to kiss him, but Sam was still there and their kissing usually led to groping. He wiped at his eyes sighing.

"Gonna give him the shovel talk now?" He snorted as Sam flushed and shook his head. Caz cocked his head.

"Shovel talk?" Dean grinned.

"Sam here says that he'll kill you if you hurt me."

"Dean!" Sam cried at the same time Caz nodded and said. "Oh." Dean started laughing all over again. Once finished he knew it was time to get serious again.

"So, Sam, what are your plans?"

"For what?"

"Are you leaving here for Stanford or do you want to tag along and gank a Demon?"

"I hadn't really thought about it." His brother frowned.

"There is more than one Demon, Dean Winchester." Castiel frowned.

"What?" Sam's head came up. "You didn't tell me there was more than one."

"Really, huh, must have slipped my mind."

"Jesus Dean! You can't go into a Demon nest alone." Sam swore standing up. "I'm coming with you."

"Caz is tagging along too." Dean grinned.

"Really?"

"Yup." His grin turned into a smirk. "He was pretty, uh, _adamant_ about me not going alone. Pinned me down and yelled and everything." Sam jerked looking between them.

"God Dean-"

"Not really just-"

"Shut up Dean." Sam held up a hand. "I'll go get my own room. See you in the morning." He made a hasty exit. Dean chuckled softly before standing and fixing Castiel with a hard stare.

"I thought I told you not to move." He grabbed Caz by the tie and had him pinned to the bed in a matter of seconds. He straddled the taller man's waist kissing him deeply. Castiel squirmed beneath him as he slowly sat back slipping the tie off of the Angel's neck, tossing it to the floor. He smirked as he slowly unbuttoned the crisp white shirt Caz constantly wore. "I'm going to kill you very slowly." Castiel inhaled shakily closing his eyes.

"I may not be able to wait to reward you." He said quietly. Dean's smirk intensified and he let his hands drift down to Caz's belt.

"I won't tell if you don't."


End file.
